I won’t Mattel if you won’t.

For the third time in a month, Mattel announces a sizable recall of many of its fine, handcrafted children’s toys, most, if not all, of which provide endless hours of meaningful, educational entertainment to children across the country, and world, except, I assume, the children responsible for making them, who, more industrious than their toy-loving American counterparts, already climb up the ladder to success.

The most recent problem has prompted the call for an inspection of all toys that China exports to the States. Aside from being, I have to imagine, astronomically (not literally, of course) costly, either to the financially struggling toy and shipping companies, or, more likely, to the American taxpayer, such a notion smacks of immoral, highly unnecessary statist interference with the same free-market mechanism that has created so many jobs, and a freer country, for hundreds of millions of Chinese factory workers. They’ll suffer first should the American government intervene here, and then so, too, will American children who stand to grow so much intellectually and emotionally from Barbie’s breasts and Sarge of Cars (I’d prefer Mr Ocasek, personally.) fame.

Perhaps, rather than costly inspections, someone ought call for a reevaluation of our not-materialist-enough economic system, and the slavishly educational means by which we allow our children to play.

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