And a bone to pick with Burger King

At some point during my year home between Notre Dame and Maryland, I sent an e-mail to Domino’s complaining about one of their commercials. In it, Fudgems, having hugged the delivery customer’s young daughter and left chocolate stains all over her, walks back to the car with the pizza deliverer, leaving, as one might expect, chocolate footprints on the sidewalk. Upon sufficient inspection, one realizes that he made no similar markings walking from the car to the door. Noticing this, I forthwith contacted the company, via its website, complaining of this inconsistency. I received a polite, formal response noting that they would keep such matters in mind in future advertising endeavors, probably from some unamused staffer.

Though lacking the motivation to contact Burger King, I would like, nevertheless, to express my frustration with their oft-played Whopper Jr.-and-Spicy Chicken-throw-a-party commercial. Fretting at what he realizes may take place upstairs, Whopper ascends the stairs to his daughter’s room, intending to prevent Spicy Chicken from doing injury to her purity. Alas, he can do not but yell from the hallway, for he, having a large, round burger for his torso, cannot pass through the made-for-people-and-not-sandwiches doorway. He’s too fat!

First, who builds or buys a home wherein the door to his daughter’s room — his precious flower’s room — is too narrow for him? Second, how the hell did Spicy get in? Seriously, he’s just as wide as Whopper, and seems to have had no trouble entering the land where he sought his treasure. Outrageous, I say!

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