And This Is How I Say “Good-bye.”

Over the last few months, I have been dreadfully remiss in my attending to this Weblog; on a couple of occasions, I attempted, rather vainly, to light the fire under my posterior, as it were. But nothing. Not for lack of interest, rest assured; I simply haven’t had the time and energy. People far busier than (Schwenkler has a wife and kid, and another on the way, is finishing up a dissertation, and was doing the whole find-a-job thing (He’s heading to Maryland in January; I’m disappointed that I’ll be back in Indiana well before he’s here.), and he still, with the assistance of the wonderfully bright J.L. Wall, maintains Upturned Earth!) are sating their readers’ demand for worth-the-while output, and I’m not even reading and commenting on others’ posts with the frequency and, sometimes cogency, with which I did in the past.

The last five months of my life have been so completely permeated by the absurd, the baffling, the crazy, and the distressing that I simply have not been able to maintain Nathancontramundi. For this, I am sorry. However, I return to Indiana in two weeks. With a minor operation, with pain-in-the-rear enjoying-life restrictions to follow for a few weeks, on my radar, I eagerly anticipate redoubling my efforts here, and elsewhere online, and slowly catching up on the piles of books through which I should love to make my way. For now, please, sit tight, and don’t lose any more hope than you doubtless have. Enjoy, below, how I say good-bye to whatever little readership The Terrapin Times has — and, equally, if not more so, to my beloved staffers.


“Reflections on the Revolution in College Park: A Bittersweet Farewell”

As the quaint cliché goes, home is where the heart is. At the foundation of conservatism, I have come to realize, lies a love of place — not of just any place, but of the place(s) where we have roots, ties, and responsibilities. And so, as my career as a Terrapin nears its end, I prepare to load the Camry for one final tour down I-70, readying myself to take the most conservative action I have in a long time: On 27 May, I return to the fertile soils of northern Indiana — where my roots run deep — that have nurtured me these twenty-five-plus years.

I am going home.

For how long I shall reside there I know not, and how far from North Judson, a sleepy hamlet of some two-thousand people (Not a stoplight in town!), I eventually wander remains a mystery (though I cannot envision myself straying more than a couple hundred miles at most). Until I “figure out my life” yet again, in my parents’ home, built more than a century ago, in part by a great-grandfather, just a few blocks from the grocery store that he co-founded, which remained in the family from 1902 until 1997, shall I abide.

Doubtless, whenever possible, to my grandfather’s farm, on which my father grew up, and on which Grandpa Joe was born ninety-five years ago, I shall venture, whether to mow the lawns; to find some excuse to start up the decades-old John Deere 4020 or to swing an axe (an action the salutary benefits whereof are, I submit, incomparable); or to hear, with absolute glee, the same tales wherewith Grandpa has regaled me time and again: stories of my ancestors, of my hometown, of life in a simpler, saner time — and of the homemade box kite, with dynamite attached, with which Great-Uncle Frank managed to startle the residents of town, about two miles southeast of the farm, into believing that the Führer had ordered the Luftwaffe across the Atlantic and into the Midwest in the mid-1930s.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I await the end of May with bated breath. Much of my academic experience here has failed to satiate my esurient intellect; the perpetual enslavement to my car that suburbia impels exasperates me to no end; and pestiferous, sometimes unequivocally loathsome, roommates and, in a couple of instances, students, have grayed multifarious hairs atop my head.

Nevertheless, to claim that I have no regrets about leaving the Old Line State would be to lie. I have made some good friends, occasionally learned a thing or two, and truly enjoyed the brews at Franklin’s. More than anything, I shall miss The Terrapin Times: the satisfaction of producing a newspaper; the strange sense of achievement found in one final read over the paper at four-thirty in the morning; the opportunity to publish seldom-heard voices on a campus devoid of respectable media; and the wonderful friendships that I have developed whilst superintending this tendentious tabloid.

The year has gone less smoothly than I had hoped. Beset with limited finances and minimal newspaper-management experience (particularly at the university level), we published fewer issues than I had planned, and began to do so later than I should have preferred. Despite sincere intentions to the contrary, we failed to develop advertising connections and to increase our paltry list of subscribers. In my opening editor’s letter, in the October issue, I outlined numerous goals I hoped to achieve and features that I wanted to instill in this publication. My successes have fallen discouragingly short of the mark.

Nonetheless, I rejoice!

Over the course of this year, we quadrupled the number issues of the Times published over the previous two years and more than quintupled the number of pages that have comprised these print editions. Though it has been a tedious venture, and only recently has featured posts not written by me, our Weblog finally has something of a presence in the right-wing virtual world. Last year, infrequent meetings were poorly attended; this year, genuine camaraderie has developed amongst staffers and our weekly meetings have proven to be wonderfully convivial events, dedicated as much to joking, story-telling, and ranting as to newspaper business. Finally, ably assisted by dedicated editors and supported by a wonderful group of writers, I have managed to leave the paper with leadership already in place, with a small reserve of funds to go toward beginning the new academic year smoothly.

Had we printed three, rather than only two, issues this semester, making the transition would have been easier, but, having worked with next year’s leaders to prepare this final edition under my watch, I remain quite hopeful for the future of the paper and, thus, for the state of intellectual and political conversation on a campus so utterly devoid of it that certain students felt protesting the continuation of a benign benediction at commencement to be a sensible course of action — until a rainstorm revealed their lack of any real principles.

And so, without further ado, I retreat from the corral, giving way to incoming editor-in-chief Zach Rubin and incoming publisher Sarah E. Martin, and ride into the sunset.

Farewell, Maryland, my Maryland. Go Terps!

And remember, Sic Semper Tyrannis!


I shall not attend the University’s campus-wide commencement

The secular Left PWNs us now.

There will be no more prayer at the campus-wide commencement ceremony after the University Senate voted to eliminate the practice yesterday.

The senate approved a proposal that eliminates a prayer invocation at the university’s annual commencement ceremony in a 32-14 vote after a lengthy debate that touched on the controversial issue of the separation of church and state.

“The real concern this issue raises is the separation of church and state,” Jewish history professor Marsha Rozenblit said. “And that is one of the most important features of our democracy.”


“We need to be careful not to send the message that secular language is seen as superior and acceptable while religious language is seen as inferior and unacceptable,” [Episcopalian chaplain Rev. Peter Antoci] said. “[The university’s chaplains] are a living example of how the university has embraced religious expression and tolerance.”

Porn, Rights, and Higher Education Or, Thank God I’m Gone in Two Months

The University of Maryland: Our basketball team fails; featuring two socialists, a communist, and left-liberal constitutes intellectual diversity, and we like to show xxx-rated porn on campus.

UMD’s Diamondback and the State of “Higher Education.” FML.

Over at The Terrapin Times, I’m sad.

“A big corporation”

That’s what one Maryland state delegate thinks of the flagship university of the University System of Maryland!

Even More Academic Insanity

Again from the University of Maryland’s daily FYI e-mail

Date: Thu, 6 Nov 2008 00:01:11 -0500
Subject: Where My Girls At?: A Comedic Look at Black Lesbians

Subject: Where My Girls At?: A Comedic Look at Black Lesbians
When : Thursday, November 20, 2008 7:00 PM – 9:00 PM
Where : Clarice Smith PAC : Laboratory Theatre
Event Type(s) : Special Event

The African American Studies Department presents “Where My Girls At?: A Comedic Look at Black Lesbians,” written and performed by Micia Mosely, Ph.D.

The event will be held in the Laboratory Theatre in the CSPAC. Doors open at 6:30 p.m. and the performance will begin at 7:00 p.m. There will be a Talk Back with the artist following the show. Advance ticketing is recommended!

This performance is sponsored by the African American Studies Department, Department of Theatre, Department of American Studies, Pride Alliance, LGBT Studies Program, the Office of LGBT Equity, and the Department of Women’s Studies

Ticket Information:
Charges: All tickets $7.00; ;
Available at: Clarice Smith Box Office
Phone: 301-405-2787

More Fun in the Hallowed Halls of Academic, Maryland Style

You can imagine my surprise as, reading through the daily FYI e-mail, which informs UMD students of various happenings and goings-on on and near campus, “15. Female Orgasm” caught my eye. 

Date:    Fri, 7 Nov 2008 00:01:07 -0500
Subject: Female Orgasm

Subject       : Female Orgasm
When          : Monday, November 24, 2008 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM
Where         : Stamp Student Union  : *doors are at 6:30 p.m.* : Grand Ballroom 
Event Type(s) : Special Event

Join us to laugh and learn about the “big O,” the most popular topic sex educators Marshall Miller and Dorian Solot teach about! Orgasm aficionados and beginners of all genders are welcome to come learn about everything from multiple orgasms to that mysterious G-spot. Whether you want to learn how to have your first orgasm, how to have better ones, or how to help your girlfriend, Dorian and Marshall cover it all with lots of humor, plenty of honesty, and an underlying message of sexual health and women’s empowerment. People of all genders are welcome! Co-sponsored by Student Entertainment Events and Terps for Choice.


For more information, contact:
Kaitlyn E Oliva
Student Entertainment Events
+1 301 314 8498

I won’t lie: I worry what sort of search engine terms will lead to this post. Gooooooooo Terps (for Choice)!